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Author

A bad marriage is like a horse with a broken leg, you can shoot the horse, but it don't fix the leg.

a Marriage Counsellor

It matters not whether the cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice.

a new Chinese Proverb

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Aaron Levenstein

The difference between an Irish Wake and an Irish Wedding is that there is one less drunk.

an Irishman

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Bird Brain

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Dee Vorced

The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.

George W. Bush

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

George W. Bush

The future will be better tomorrow.

George W. Bush

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

George W. Bush

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

George W. Bush

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Groucho Marx

There's no I in TEAM, but there is ME, if you jumble the letters.

House

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

Isadora Duncan

The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Kids

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Kids

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Murphy

When in doubt, mumble.

Murphy

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Murphy

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